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Welcome, dear readers, to Agama’s Message – your guide to deeper thinking and self-realization.
Today, I am addressing a topic that I usually refrain from discussing in detail. However, after some reflection, I feel compelled to share my thoughts and offer a deeper exploration of this sensitive subject: marriage.
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Marriage
Let’s begin by examining what marriage is today, and how it was originally intended to be—both on a moral level and from a spiritual perspective.
Marriage, for the past thousand years, has often been seen as merely an activity to pass time. Whenever I’m asked, “When will you get married?” and I respond, “I’m not planning to get married,” the typical reply is, “How will you live life alone?” My response is simple: “Marriage shouldn’t be about companionship; it should be about union.”
Now, by "union," I don’t mean simply physical intimacy—though we will touch on that aspect later in this newsletter. What I’m referring to is a deeper, spiritual union. In this context, consider the concept of Shiva and Shakti: Shiva represents the masculine aspect of the soul, while Shakti embodies the feminine. These need not be two separate individuals; this is the intrinsic nature of our soul.
When we are born into a male body, we become disconnected from the feminine aspect of our soul. Marriage, in its true form, should serve as a key to unlock the feminine energy of the Atma (soul). This doesn’t mean that a man should act or appear feminine. Rather, it means that marriage should help a man realize and embrace the tender, nurturing qualities of the soul—the kindness and compassion that femininity brings. This union facilitates spiritual growth and, ultimately, enlightenment.
From a sociological perspective, marriage has historically served as a foundation for maintaining, nurturing, and expanding the human community. It was intended to create stable structures for families, support the growth of societies, and ensure the survival of the collective. However, over time, the complexities of the human mind have divided this purpose along lines of borders, families, and individual identities, shifting the focus away from the larger, communal intent.
In its essence, marriage was never meant to be about mere individual possession or isolated companionship. It was a way to bring people together for the greater good of society. Yet, the complexities of ego, societal expectations, and division have distorted this original vision.
Now, when we talk about the capacity to bring life into the world, it’s essential to understand that only a woman can bear a child. But I’m not speaking strictly of a biological female. I mean a consciousness that recognizes and embodies the feminine qualities of the soul—qualities such as nurturance, compassion, intuition, and the capacity for unconditional love. These qualities are inherent to all human beings but are most naturally expressed through a biological female.
A woman who has awakened to these qualities, who aligns with the feminine energy of the universe, becomes a vessel for creation in its highest sense. This doesn’t mean that only biological females possess these qualities, but rather that it is most naturally expressed in them. The true essence of femininity transcends biology; it is a state of consciousness, a deep connection to the life-giving and nurturing forces of the universe.
In this sense, marriage is not just about two people coming together for companionship, but about the union of energies that help maintain balance in both the individual and the collective. The feminine energy, embodied in a woman (or in anyone who aligns with these qualities), plays a crucial role in this process. It is this energy that holds the capacity to create life, not just in a biological sense, but in a deeper, spiritual context, fostering growth and evolution within the human community.
You might be wondering, after all this talk about femininity, why we’re still discussing masculinity, and whether femininity alone is enough to achieve enlightenment. If that’s the case, what role does masculinity play? To answer that, we need to understand why the world has been predominantly male-dominated throughout history—and where things went wrong.
First, it's important to recognize that feminine energy, in its purest form, is free-flowing and without obstruction. However, in order for this energy to be harnessed and directed, masculine energy is required to provide resistance and guidance. Masculinity offers the structure, strategic thinking, and discipline necessary to bring focus and direction to the powerful, transformative force of femininity. This balance is essential for practices like sadhana, which help elevate both the individual and the collective toward spiritual awakening.
So, where did it all go wrong? The moment we began associating masculinity exclusively with biological maleness, things started to shift. The complexities of the human mind—driven by ego, greed, and lust—caused what was once a guiding force of resistance to become a blockage. Instead of supporting the flow of feminine energy, masculine energy became a tool of control and dominance, often distorting its original purpose.
The mistake lies in today’s world, where many women are striving to be "equal" to men. This is a misunderstanding because divinity is far superior to the divine. Equality between the masculine and feminine is not the goal; rather, it is the recognition that both energies must complement and support each other.
Now, you might ask: If femininity is superior, why has society been male-dominated? The answer is that to control something as powerful as femininity, the masculine energy must be stronger. Otherwise, the free flow of feminine energy could lead to chaos and darkness.
If you're wondering whether this means masculine energy must be more powerful than feminine energy, and thus the male is superior, let me clarify: this is a misunderstanding. Masculine and feminine energies are not in competition with each other. They are two complementary pieces of a puzzle, and only when they come together do they create a complete, harmonious whole. Neither is superior or inferior—both are essential for balance and the flourishing of the self and society.
Now, let’s explore how marriage can lead to enlightenment. To understand this, we must look at the symbolism behind the Khajuraho temples and the construction of the Shiva Lingam.
The word Ling in Hindi refers to the penis, while Yoni refers to the vagina. The Shiva Lingam, however, is not merely an anatomical symbol; it represents the ultimate union of Shiva (the masculine) and Shakti (the feminine), embodying the divine merging of male and female energies. But why would one worship it?
There are two key reasons for this. The first is to remind us that there is nothing taboo about coitus. It is the sacred communion of the two most divine energies. Shiva represents the epitome of bliss, liberation, and eternal meditation (Samadhi), a state of pure joy and selflessness. The Shiva Lingam, therefore, serves as a symbol of that transcendental state, urging us to connect with the highest consciousness where ego dissolves and pure bliss prevails. (There is a technique in Vigyan Bhairav Tantra related to this which I won’t elaborate, but during the climax of coitus is when you are free of & from everything where you forget yourself)
The second reason lies in the power of consecration. When a guru has harmonized both his masculine and feminine energies within himself, he can consecrate a Shiva Lingam in such a way that anyone who enters the garbhagriha (the innermost sanctuary of a temple) is transformed. In this sacred space, one becomes like a child—a state of pure innocence, free of ego. Just as a child does not distinguish between male and female, and the mind is untouched by erotic thoughts, so too does the individual entering a properly consecrated Shiva Lingam experience a profound sense of purity and detachment. (this is how you recognise a properly consecrated Shivling)
The term garbhagriha itself holds deep significance: garbh meaning womb, and graha meaning house. It symbolizes a place where one returns to the innocence and purity of infancy, free from the distractions of the mind and ego, and enters into a state of bliss.
A guru is someone who has achieved perfect balance between his masculine and feminine energies, and as a result, all cravings for affection are neutralized, leaving him in a state of eternal bliss.
A guru is like a living Shiva Lingam—through his presence, those around him are transformed, returning to a state of pure innocence, like an infant.
The Khajuraho and Konark temples, adorned with intricate erotic sculptures, serve as a profound iconography to challenge taboos surrounding coitus and fetishes. These depictions encourage openness and acceptance of human desires. However, as one enters the garbhagriha, the focus shifts inward, inviting a deeper exploration beyond the outer expressions. The presence of the Shivling symbolizes the true essence of divine union, urging seekers to connect with the higher realms of spiritual harmony and transcendental unity.
In today's world, marriage should be a deliberate and well-thought-out decision, rather than a mere societal expectation to fulfill desires or procreate. It must transcend being a routine norm and instead evolve into a partnership that satisfies the mental, physical, and spiritual needs of both individuals, fostering harmony and balance.
In Vedic Dharma, the Grihastha Ashram—living in society amidst material gains and losses—is revered even above Sanyas (renunciation). This holds true as every great saint is born into a Grihastha household, emphasizing its significance.
A thoughtful approach to marriage involves understanding and aligning with each other's likes and dislikes, natural tendencies, financial planning, temperaments, child upbringing philosophies, and the overall dynamics of life. It is also crucial to balance the masculine and feminine energies within the relationship.
Such an approach not only strengthens the marital bond but also reflects a spiritual perspective on life. However, if one can independently achieve the balance of Yin and Yang, embracing self-sufficiency and spiritual equanimity, the path of Sanyas may be the ideal choice.
Every couple faces challenges, and in my observation, many struggle to address them effectively. Vedic astrology offers profound insight, stating that the Lagna represents the self, while the 7th house, symbolizing marriage and the spouse, is also the house of open enemies. This duality is no coincidence but rather a reflection of human nature, psychology, and physiology.
In the act of coitus, a significant amount of energy is expended, leaving one momentarily depleted—this represents the "loss" aspect. Similarly, relationships require consistent effort and dedication. There is a karmic balance that must be resolved with one’s spouse, and only then can enlightenment be achieved.
Every individual is inherently complete within themselves. True enlightenment can only be achieved when two complete individuals come together in harmony, fostering a balanced exchange of energies through conscious acts of submission and dominance.
A person consumed by desires becomes entangled in the fleeting cycle of pleasure and pain, unable to grasp the deeper significance of life. While desires (Maya) are an inescapable aspect of existence, their hold can only be transcended through Dhyan (meditation).
The body is merely a vessel, and the mind, an instrument. To move beyond the illusions of the material world, one must focus on understanding the Prana (soul)—the eternal essence that connects us to the ultimate truth.
This concludes my thoughts for now. I encourage you to re-re-re-read this newsletter, share it with others, and take time to reflect on its message. Until next time,
Yours,
Vishal Rajput
